She’s 50, “watch out”

Let’s face it, life is unpredictable.  As much as we try to control, even the slightest aspects, it just happens.  When we are sure of the “sure thing” the opposite appears.  But that is okay most of the time.  You can go with the flow.  Sometimes though, you better watch out.

Lots of things fall into that unpredictable category.  Weathermen and women make a living at looking out of the window and just guessing.  They are right about 80% of the time.  They do a better job the closer they are to the event.  That is to say, in the next half hour it will be sunny and 75.  Next Wednesday, it will be light followed by dark  (thank you George Carlin).  Still, with just scoring a low “B” on the weather, local stations continue to devote 20 percent of the newscast to the weather story.  And, research shows, the viewers don’t care about how accurate the forecast. They will still watch it.

Love and loved ones are unpredictable too. We know them as well as we know ourselves and as proven by the Newlywed game, we don’t REALLY know them.  Scientific research be damned, you can’t know what true love will do or say when given the chance.

Then there is the hormone factor.  My most unpredictable period of my life was when I went through “the change”.  That is the old-fashioned change, not like Bruce Jenner change.  Anyhow, even I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, say, or how I was going to react to situations.  Rage, tears, weight gain, you name it, it was a nightmare.  Thank God, it was over in about 10 years.

When it was over, I arose one morning, like a phoenix from the ashes, a mid-50ish,  fat, dyed-blond bitch, alone, and with  the scars and anti-depressant scripts to prove menopause ain’t for sissys.  I’m not sure of the complete swath of destruction, but it was significant. Just ask the “pretty boy gone to seed” who took my parking space at the grocery store.  I tracked him down in the produce section and wedged his basket into the potato bin.  He said that I was crazy. Looking back on it, he was probably right.  Oh well…

Yes, Wikipedia should define unpredictable as “the actions best depicted by a menopausal woman”.  Weather forecasting is an exact science compared to the “Change”.






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